An Ode to the Mom Who is Losing Her Mind

     I see you, pretty momma. I know you’re forcing that smile on your face. I’ve been there. Motherhood is not always love and roses. Why, just the other night, I laid in bed at six in the morning crying next to my aggravated, sleepy toddler because my one-month-old doesn’t sleep at night. I was begging a baby to go to sleep. Obviously that does not work, but you have to try, right? I am embarrassed to say that I was getting way too pissed. When my husband came into the room (we’re both night owls) I pleaded with him to please take the baby “for once”. He is a stay home dad. He has the baby frequently. That, plus both of our exhausted states, led to an argument. It was not a good night. But I’m sure you know how it is. Although our situations may vary, we’ve probably survived a lot of the same things. I want you to now how amazing you are doing. This is my ode to you; the mother, the warrior, the legend. 

     That spit up on your shoulder looks great. Oh, wow! Can I borrow your baby? I want to look just like you. And that messy bun? Fabulous! You look like a cross between a Greek goddess and an Abercrombie model. Do not feel embarrassed. You look beautiful. 

     Oh, I see that your toddler is throwing himself on the floor in a tantrum. You are not a bad mother for walking away from him. You have to let him know who is boss. Walk away. Just walk away. 

     Your pre-pregnancy pants don’t fit? Neither do mine. I’m currently hiding my unbuttoned pants underneath a long sweater. I honestly do not care at all. My new mom butt looks great, and so does yours. So in the end, who really won? We did. 
     You haven’t showered in three days? Been there, done that. We’re just nineties grunge. People simply don’t get us. We’re too edgy. 

     Oh, no.. You haven’t cleaned jack all day. You know why? You’re too busy being the most excellent mom in the world. There’s nothing wrong with putting your kids and yourself first above chores. They will get done when they get done. 

      Listen, the list could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. All the working moms, stay home moms, crunchy moms, whatever moms- you all got this in the bag. Your husbands may be no-good, lazy jerks, or they may be the sweetest, but at the end of the day they’re lost without you. Don’t argue with it. Single moms? I don’t even know what to say. Are you even human? Broke moms, I hope for you a hefty raise. Rich moms.. What’s up? Get at me. Though we are all fundamentally different, we are all moms and I salute you all. You are doing such a heartless thing, such a noble cause raising and loving your babies. Don’t ever forget that. 
     Remember, kids don’t come with instruction manuals. Things will not always be perfect. That is not a reflection of you in any way. You are doing your best and that is good enough. đź’•

Intrusive Thoughts and Your Kids: WTF?

     Let’s talk about intrusive thoughts and our children, or otherwise known as hell on earth. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, well, you probably do. If you truly don’t, though, I’m jealous. Intrusive thoughts are those disgustingly disturbing thoughts that creep into the back of your mind about hypothetical situations that are always heartbreaking and gut wrenching. They serve no good purpose other than ruining your entire day and making you wonder what is wrong with you because normal people don’t have those thoughts. I have some good news for you. Yes, they do. The bad news? They can be difficult to get rid of. 
     I will never speak out loud some of the thoughts I had when my son was first born. I was beyond bewildered. Why was I thinking these things? I would imagine in my head that people would come into my home and kill me and my son would be all alone and I would seriously sit there and fret about what he would do if that happened. And that’s the thing, it was all in my head. I didn’t get why what was supposed to be such a happy time of my life was being clouded by strange thoughts about horrible things happening to me and my baby. I would seriously cry at times over some of the things I was thinking. I lived in fear of things happening that were so unlikely and crazy, but there I was losing sleep over it. It was crippling. 
     I was way past embarrassed because who wants to be that mom that is thinking of bad things happening to their baby? It’s not like I was wishing ill will on him, but I was afraid that other people might see it that way, so I kept it to myself and struggled internally. It might sound like a minor inconvenience, but this was a huge problem for me. I just wanted to be happy like everyone else seemed to be. I didn’t want to live in this anxious fear every day. 
Finally I realized something had to change and it started with me. 
     First, I went and visited my gynecologist. Intrusive thoughts usually go hand in hand with PPD, or post-partum depression. To my surprise, she did not seem to care at all. She prescribed me an antidepressant and that was that. I left her office that day feeling hopeful. Luckily for me, that worked. It took some time, but eventually the thoughts went away. I was finally able to fall asleep easily at night. Every mom would agree sleep is important, I’m sure, so if you are also one of the women who struggled with this, please don’t be ashamed and see your doctor. You do not have to suffer through it.