Intrusive Thoughts and Your Kids: WTF?

     Let’s talk about intrusive thoughts and our children, or otherwise known as hell on earth. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, well, you probably do. If you truly don’t, though, I’m jealous. Intrusive thoughts are those disgustingly disturbing thoughts that creep into the back of your mind about hypothetical situations that are always heartbreaking and gut wrenching. They serve no good purpose other than ruining your entire day and making you wonder what is wrong with you because normal people don’t have those thoughts. I have some good news for you. Yes, they do. The bad news? They can be difficult to get rid of. 
     I will never speak out loud some of the thoughts I had when my son was first born. I was beyond bewildered. Why was I thinking these things? I would imagine in my head that people would come into my home and kill me and my son would be all alone and I would seriously sit there and fret about what he would do if that happened. And that’s the thing, it was all in my head. I didn’t get why what was supposed to be such a happy time of my life was being clouded by strange thoughts about horrible things happening to me and my baby. I would seriously cry at times over some of the things I was thinking. I lived in fear of things happening that were so unlikely and crazy, but there I was losing sleep over it. It was crippling. 
     I was way past embarrassed because who wants to be that mom that is thinking of bad things happening to their baby? It’s not like I was wishing ill will on him, but I was afraid that other people might see it that way, so I kept it to myself and struggled internally. It might sound like a minor inconvenience, but this was a huge problem for me. I just wanted to be happy like everyone else seemed to be. I didn’t want to live in this anxious fear every day. 
Finally I realized something had to change and it started with me. 
     First, I went and visited my gynecologist. Intrusive thoughts usually go hand in hand with PPD, or post-partum depression. To my surprise, she did not seem to care at all. She prescribed me an antidepressant and that was that. I left her office that day feeling hopeful. Luckily for me, that worked. It took some time, but eventually the thoughts went away. I was finally able to fall asleep easily at night. Every mom would agree sleep is important, I’m sure, so if you are also one of the women who struggled with this, please don’t be ashamed and see your doctor. You do not have to suffer through it. 

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